Praying for Understanding

I am fortunate enough to have a life where I can wake up next to my wife and kids every morning and say a quiet prayer to God. This morning was a little different. I woke up to my cellphone ringing at 3:45 a.m. only to hear the person on the other line dialed the wrong number. I looked over at the family God blessed me - quietly sleeping unfazed by the cellphone call. At that moment a deep sense of unworthiness occupied my mind that ached my heart a little bit. I kept incessantly thinking "God please don't let me mess this up." I felt helpless. Am I really doing, thinking, living the right way to justify God's favor? Once I realized how ridiculous that question came out, I began to reason - I am God's child via Justification by Faith through Grace. However, I am being sanctified daily through the renewing of my mind.

So here's what I got out of it. My perspective on God and life are exclusively framed by my desires and fears which originate from some sort of motive.

In the case of praying for my family, I ask God to protect them and bless them and ask God to guide them away from "missing the mark" - in other words doing their own thing without regard for God and His ways. My motive for this prayer is my love for them. However, I believe that God loves them more than I can ever understand, because God is the power that puts air into their lungs and pumps blood into their hearts.

I desire and try to rely on God to provide me the ability to bless my family the way He would want me to through my actions and words. My first mistake is thinking that God operates in some regular fashion under some prescribed level of rules that only the "real Christians" know about. At church, I used to think that other people can't possibly be as screwed up as I am.

But God is wild and mysterious. I both fear God and desire God out of the motive that I want God to be in control of my life. I believe unequivocally that God rules over all existence - whether the other creatures accept Him or refuse Him. I believe that God loves me more than I will ever fully know or appreciate, because I can remember all the remarkable experiences in my life where God was the only one who protected me and provided for me. My motive drives me to make the sincere attempt daily to show my love and trust in God by admitting that I am terrible at running my own life and I'm afraid of living without God in control.

But I can't love what I don't know. And its harder for me to trust God when I can't hear His voice or see His face. Yet I know deep down inside that learning to love God is the pursuit of my life.

I can learn about Him through His words and deeds in the stories found in the bible, in the life of those around me and finally in my sinful life. I am a sinner - saved by grace but unfortunately more monkey than human at times. I like the definition of sin as "missing the mark" - that description doesn't allow for qualitative human judgment. Its either you hit the target or you don't. If there's one thing I've learned about life over the years, its that I still miss the mark a lot and I wish I didn't.

Recently, I have been blessed to hear another side of God's message from some remarkable people. I hope you will try the link below and gain some new insight that will bless you like it blessed me.

Please check these clips out when you can.